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would you be annoyed?

  • gaamy
    gaamy
    Participant

    My step daughters both have cell phones, right now they can only text on them, but they can use my phone or their fathers if they need to. instead of texting THEM asking THEM to call her, their mother bothers hubby, asking him to tell them to call her. he asks if they would like to and they both decline. according to them she pretty much refuses to text them, even after my husband tell her to text the girls.

    it’s only tuesday and she has called him three times this week asking him to have the girls call her. they are 13 and 16, he can not force them to call her!

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 10)
  • jasonlovessara
    jasonlovessara
    Participant

    Simply put, yes, it would annoy me. To be honest though most of what you have said about her annoys me ;)

    Anabel Conner
    Anabel Conner
    Keymaster

    Hmmmm. I would be annoyed by her continuing to call, yes. However, I would be annoyed at my husband for not making them call. What do you mean, he can’t force them to call her? Yes he can. They are 13 and 16, not adults and they would do what I said in my house. If I said to call their mom, then they would be calling their mom, or they would be losing privileges, etc. I don’t care how old a kid is, when they are living under the roof of the parent, then they are required to do what they say.

    This helps YOU to be less annoyed, too. She won’t repeatedly call him if she is getting the desired result, which is for the call from her kids to happen. Until it does, she’s going to keep calling him and annoying you. Yes. This woman is a jerk, and she’s not a good mom and she’s a p.i.t.a person, but she is STILL their mom, as much as no one wants her to be. I’d make those kids call their mother, or I would be taking their phones away…doesn’t matter if they can only call or text on them, they would lose that privilege.

    gaamy
    gaamy
    Participant

    we could technically force them to call her, but we won’t. they havent tried to cut her out of their lives, they just dont want to hear her whining, blaming, and asking them questions that make them uncomfortable every single day. they will usually call her once or twice a week, and they try to text her several times a week but she refuses b/c it’s not what she wants.

    lilybell
    lilybell
    Participant

    This sounds mean but Block her number. Tell her the girls will call her on friday or if they have something important to tell her. If she wants to communicate more than that she can text them.

    If you don’t want to block her stop taking her calls. When she bitches to the girls have them say matter-of-factly “I don’t know, that’s not my phone. If you wanna talk to me we’ll talk about me or bye”

    I know all of this is easier said than done. Don’t get me wrong. If she’s gonna keep acting like a child she can get treated like one.

    Also if the girls don’t mind have them talk to her on speaker phone when she starts to make them uncomfortable butt in. Don’t butt in angrily and start a fight with her just say “Allie isn’t going to answer that question”. The benefit of her talking to them SHOULD benefit the girls to speak to their mother no so she can complain to them. Give her three strikes you’re out. If she complains or makes inappropriate remarks to them. Say “Strike One” etc. If she reaches 3 tell the girls to tell her she loves her and say goodbye or if it doesn’t matter to them just hang up.

    yellowwatts
    yellowwatts
    Participant

    It does sound like an overall annoying situation. :/

    Anabel Conner
    Anabel Conner
    Keymaster

    we could technically force them to call her, but we won’t. they havent tried to cut her out of their lives, they just dont want to hear her whining, blaming, and asking them questions that make them uncomfortable every single day. they will usually call her once or twice a week, and they try to text her several times a week but she refuses b/c it’s not what she wants.

    To me, I would have them call her…still. She is their mother. They will have to deal with her the way she is the rest of their life. That is just the way it is. Your husband doesn’t need to be the go between at this point. These kids aren’t 4 years old. Ignoring a problem doesn’t make it go away, but addressing it does….eventually. They should call her back every time and if it is unpleasant and complaining that they hear, they should simply tell her, “Mom, I like talking to you, but its stressful to me when you whine to me, so I think I need to go”. She needs to be made aware that her behavior isn’t acceptable, and she needs to realize it herself. To have you or your husband point it out won’t work. your step daughters need to learn how to deal with their difficult mother NOW rather than later. Ignoring it, or pissing her off by blocking her isn’t going to work and its also not teaching them the life skills that they are going to need in dealing with her or other people. Just my take on it.

    Anabel Conner
    Anabel Conner
    Keymaster

    Wow! That quoting is HUGE! I didn’t know that is what it looks like to quote here. Still learning about these boards. Sorry!

    lilybell
    lilybell
    Participant

    Anabel: I have to disagree with you respectfully on one point and agree on another.

    Agree: The girls should tell her that it’s making them uncomfortable.

    Disagree: The way to deal with her is NOT to go ahead and call her every time she wants. That’s like giving a child what they want every time they ask for something. She has to learn to compromise somewhat and be respectful of gaamy and her husband. It’s their home and their phone and if they say she needs to text them to call her that’s what she needs to do. There is a reason she lost her daughters not everyone has to play her game anymore. By playing her game you’re giving into it.

    gaamy
    gaamy
    Participant

    thanks for the feed back guys. this woman aggrivates me so much sometimes it’s hard to tell if i have a legitimate reason to be pissed or if i’m just so fed up even little things seem like a huge problem.

    the girls themselves will tell you, if they tell her “mom i dont like when you XXX” it would make no difference. she doesnt care. she only sees her own needs and wants and has been that way since my husband has known her.

    living with us, now 13 and 16 and seeing what life can be like, they are beginning to realize that their mother has repeatedly ignored what was best for them and done what has been easiest for her. they are seeing that their mother lied, to every one but esp them, to keep them from having a good relationship with their father. these arent 2 kids who are too lazy to deal with their pain in the ass mother. these are 2 kids who were neglected. she should be happy they’ll even talk to her at all.

    lilybell
    lilybell
    Participant

    I’d say the girls should tell her to stop and if she doesn’t hang up plain and simple. I wish you luck.

Viewing 10 replies - 1 through 10 (of 10)

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