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Offending a family member?

  • lcd1912
    lcd1912
    Participant

    So DH is worried about offending someone if we use the mn spot to honor a family member. I can appreciate his concern because I like my one grandmother’s name, (Josephine) but not the other’s (Dorothy). I also wouldn’t dream of honoring his mom (Jane) before mine (Mairead). I’ve always planned out my combos with the mn holding a special meaning-that’s just how my family has always done it. I find it strange/boring that my husband’s first and middle names have no meaning other than his parents liked & agreed on them. Ideally we would have a name that holds significance on both sides of the family or maybe a combination of two names?
    Has anyone dealt with this dilemma & the reactions from family? Any suggestions using the below names would be greatly appreciated!

    Middle name options to honor female family members (most likely to go with Violet or Maeve):
    Mairead (for my mom, best friend & God daughter who are all Margaret)
    Marie (my middle name, named after my aunt)
    Jane (for his mom, Janet)
    Mary (for his grandma, also my mom’s mn)
    Josephine (for my grandma. Seems to be one of the only one that Maeve fits well with ?)
    Dorothy (for my other grandma. Love my grandma, not her name)
    Linda (for his grandma & aunt. Would need to refresh this one too)
    Kiera (my sister)
    Brooke (his sister)

    The Boy choices (most likely to go with Donovan or Ronan):
    John (his dad and my grandpa. This is our favorite because it covers both sides, but it also kind of rhymes with our current top choices)
    William (my dad & brother)
    Kevin (my uncle/Godfather. Would love to use this but don’t think it sounds good with our current fn choices)
    Forde (my mom’s maiden name. An easy way to honor her, my uncle, my grandma…that whole side!)
    Chad (my husband’s fn. He hasn’t expressed any interest in using his own name, but I like it better than his mn…)
    Austin (my husband’s mn. I don’t know why, but it’s just one of those names that I have never, ever, liked. He isn’t pushing for it anyway. Maybe another Au- name?)
    August (his grandfather that recently passed)
    Frank (his other grandfather that I never got to meet)
    Thomas (my grandfather, although I was much closer to my other, John)

Viewing 6 replies - 1 through 6 (of 6)
  • TwoSapphires
    TwoSapphires
    Participant

    I personally go for names with meanings that I like moreso than honoring family members. In part because of the dilemma you’ve come across; how do you honor one without offending someone on the other side who feels left out? That is tough.

    Looking at flow only (since only you can really decide who to honor if you go that route), my top picks would be:

    Violet Mairead
    Maeve Josephine
    Donovan John (slightly rhymey but I think it works)
    Ronan August

    lcd1912
    lcd1912
    Participant

    Thanks TwoSapphires, got me thinking…maybe I can research their meanings and with any luck maybe some of them have a connection?
    Speaking of meanings…I recently read that Maeve in Latin means Violet flower?! I never knew it existed beyond gaelic vocabulary! Now I’m questioning if I can use it alongside “Violet” haha luckily I normally don’t care much about the meaning as long as it isn’t terrible.

    lcd1912
    lcd1912
    Participant

    Any other takers?

    smb92
    smb92
    Participant

    I was actually just talking with my dad today about this. He told me he wouldn’t be offended if I chose to honor my SO’s father and not him. The fact that I was thinking of honoring him meant a lot to him. I really valued his opinion and I think, if you can, maybe discuss it with your family members and see what they say. If some of them don’t have a preference or aren’t expecting you to do so, you can rule those names out. Just an idea.

    I think Josephine is my favourite middle name for both Violet and Maeve.
    Donovan William or Donovan John
    Ronan Ford or Ronan Thomas


    lovenames
    Participant

    If you like Dorothy the person, but not the name, you might like other versions of the name like Theadora,Thea, Dorothea, or Amadea.

    Linda might be refreshed by using Linnea, Linley, Lyndal/Lindelle, Lyneth, Lindwyn or Lindia.

    Of your choices I think the best for flow and meaning are:
    Violet Mairead
    Maeve Mairead
    Violet Jane

    Ronan Forde
    Ronan Thomas
    (also I love August – would you consider as FN?)

    I think the Maeve=Violet etymology you found is a mistake for Mauve. Maeve/Meabh is definitely a Gaelic/Celtic name, not a Latin one.

    As an aside: I was named for both my grandmothers, with the names being hyphenated – one name is beautiful, the other is awful (both as a person and a name). My friends and family soon left off using the ugly name and as an adult I changed my name to drop the terrible name. MORAL? Names are never fixed things – your child, his/her friends and family and even you – the person who chose the names – will change how you use their names or even change the name altogether. Go with your gut, but if it ends up being the less-than-best choice, there are lots of ways a person will grow into (or shed) their name.

    Good luck! :)

    lcd1912
    lcd1912
    Participant

    smb92: Thanks for your reply. when the time comes I would definitely like to discuss it with family and get their opinions without getting TOO many opinions if you know what I mean. Gonna be tricky though… Anyone have advice for starting (and finishing) that convo?? :)
    Maeve Josephine and Ronan Forde are my top picks (today) haha

    love names: Thanks for the ideas on Dorothy, I do LOVE the person but not the name and I like Thea <–I’ll ask DH about it
    I go between Violet Mairead and Maeve Josephine being in my first spot. Maeve Mairead has a lot of similar letters and sounds going on in my opinion and Violet Jane, while I LOVE the combo, it’s missing the Irish influence I’d like to in cooperate :/
    I love August too and yes, I would consider it a first name- we’ll see what DH thinks..
    You’re right about the website maybe mistaking Mauve for Maeve. I don’t recall the site or if it was legit.
    Thank you so much for sharing your personal experience too, it is a good way to put in perspective how a name isn’t necessarily permanent. Most people do grow into or at least adapt to their name, often finding the most pleasure in the story/people behind the name and not just the sound, meaning or popularity.

Viewing 6 replies - 1 through 6 (of 6)

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