'black man & white woman' vs 'black woman and white man'

Guest · Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 1:58 pm Post subject:

Well, I haven't read all the responses but I figured I would jump in.
For those of you saying “it’s not even an issue” well, yes, it is. Maybe it doesn’t affect you personally, but it is very much an issue in society, it especially affects those who are in interracial relationships. Now, I have some perspective on this-I was engaged to a black man. Also, my best friend is black and she has been dating a white man for many years. So I see how this works first hand. When my ex and I were in public, people stared but for the most part no one said anything. We got a snide comment here or there, a LOT of dirty looks, and sometimes other black men would give him a pat on the back or a thumbs up Rolling Eyes

. But that was nothing compared to what Kendra goes through. When Kendra is out in public with her man, she is always hit with a barrage of comments by black men, calling her a traitor, asking her what she saw in that little white boy, talking about how much better THEY could treat her, make love to her, etc. It seemed to anger them immensely to see a beautiful black woman with a white man.
To understand this, I think first, you have to look at it from a historical perspective. Not that long ago (relatively speaking, of course) there was slavery in this country. In these days, it was common practice for a white slave owner to have a black mistress. It was not unusual for him to have children with her. It was not something necessarily done out in the open, but it was done nonetheless and quite common-President Thomas Jefferson had a black slave as his mistress and fathered a child with her. Now, on the other hand, if a black man so much as looked in the direction of a white woman, he would be lynched. This type of relationship was decidedly taboo. And, we all know what happens when something is taboo-it becomes that much more desirable.
Now, fast-forward a century later. Slavery is over. The Civil Rights movement has come and gone. We are now a divided nation, trying to unite, but slavery is a wound that has not yet healed. As a nation, we are ashamed of our past and rightfully so. Perhaps seeing a white man with a black woman brings us back to an uncomfortable place, when black woman was seen as his property, his God given right. And indeed, the common additude among white men (again, not all white men, but many) sees the black woman as a novelty of sorts-the curves of their body, the tone of their skin, the taboo nature of it, it all seems to them some kind of conquest-I will see a white man talk about “having” a black woman in the same way he talks about “having” an Asian woman, or a lesbian, or a married housewife, etc. I will here them say they would like to “try it”. Seldom do I hear a white man say that he would like to have a relationship, let alone a marriage, with a black woman.
Now, on the flip side, we have the black man with the white woman. This may be a lesson in power. All of the sudden, what was once the most taboo relationship is now overall socially acceptable. Anyone who dares to question an interracial relationship is labeled a bigot. So, for the black man the white woman becomes a conquest, a way of laughing in the face of past injustice and current intolerance. And for the white woman, it is often, again the taboo nature that initially draws her to the black man. Often they are attracted because it is forbidden, because daddy told them not to. It is these relationships that make it harder for legitimate interracial relationships to be accepted, because in these types of relationships there is usually a mutual disrespect- both parties are being used in some way.
In my case, it wasn’t any of these factors that drew me to my ex. It truly was him, as a person, that I fell in love with. But I’m not going to lie-there was something exiting about having an unconventional relationship, I think for both of us. When we were out in public, we flaunted our love, dared someone, anyone, to say something about it. If someone looked at us funny, or made a comment, we would go above and beyond with PDA, doing everything we could to make them feel uncomfortable just for kicks. And when we were together, sometimes, like if we were in front of a mirror as we kissed, and I would look at the 2 of us and feel a slight twinge of excitement at the picture I saw. I wouldn’t call it jungle fever, he was the first and only black man I dated, but there definitely was a certain excitement, a bit of naughtiness, a bit of tension that went hand in hand with our relationship.
But these examples really only pertain to some relationships. At the end of the day, a true and loving interracial relationship has nothing to do with body shapes or large members or ghetto booties and jungle fever. At the end of the day, you love who you love, be they black, yellow, purple or green, once two people can see past the superficiality of color, and see the person on the inside, then comes the true test of their love. It’s only when a love is truly color blind that it can stand the test of time.

Bejeweled · Posted: Sun Jul 30, 2006 9:42 pm Post subject:

i think you see more white women with black men because black men are much more comfortable and accpeting of physical things white men arent. black men like some curves and meat on a woman. white men are much less tolerant of women that arent ripped, stacked, and blonde.