When speaking of the minds of people, there is just one rule: there are no rules. People can be categorized. Some people like this, some people like that. However, definite statements can never be made. There are always exceptions.
This is the most pedantic bit of clarification I've been subjected to in a long time.
I would also like to point out that in my original post I made it clear that I was speaking of the typical man, not all men. When speaking of the minds of people, there is just one rule: there are no rules. People can be categorized. Some people like this, some people like that. However, definite statements can never be made. There are always exceptions.
Precisely. So if there is in fact no "Typical Man"... why speak of him at all?
I dont think it makes much sense to complain about people "lying" about being prejudice if they dont act on it or ever say anything racist or unkind.
Not to mention its never anything you should accuse anyone of since theres no way you can know whats going on inside that person.
I disagree. I don't think that as long as we never act on it, or "say anything racist or unkind," suddenly that makes it okay to harbor racist, biased, prejudiced thoughts. More to the point, I think that IF in fact someone has a bias (and we all have them), it's better to talk about it, get it out in the open, and have an HONEST discussion about it, rather than hide behind politeness and political correctness.
You're absolutely right that I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head. And as I mentioned before, it's true that for some people, some issues really are "non-issues," and they hold absolutely NO bias or prejudice whatsoever with regard to that particular topic. But I would argue that it's impossible to live a completely bias-free life. And as you point out, I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head, nor do they have any idea what's going on in mine, unless we both speak freely and honestly about our thoughts. So doesn't it logically follow that the only way to rid the world of bias and prejudice (to whatever extent that's possible) is to have an open, frank discussion? I certainly don't think the answer lies in continuing to keep our mouths shut, while harboring our inner thoughts, lest we risk being perceived as impolite.
I have nothing much to add to this discussion except that I asked my husband, who is white, if he finds black women attractive and he said that he does. He finds women of all ethnic backgrounds attractive. He doesn't seem to have a type apart from being unattracted to "skany types" (Britney Spears, et. al).
Interestingly, HalleBerry's name entered the conversation and he said that he would "do her in a heartbeat". Yes, that's a bit crude but I suppose you could say that he finds her sexually attractive. However, I believe that his two biggest lust interests are Kate Beckinsale and Jennifer Lopez (I guess she's the exception to his rule about "skanky types").
My 70 year old. mid-western, small town, conservative, socially sheltered, all white community living mother says she would also "do" Denzel Washinton in a heartbeat. As mentioned, there are always exceptions to the rule.
My 70 year old. mid-western, small town, conservative, socially sheltered, all white community living mother says she would also "do" Denzel Washinton in a heartbeat. As mentioned, there are always exceptions to the rule.
It brings into question the validity of a "rule" when there are so many exceptions.
I dont think it makes much sense to complain about people "lying" about being prejudice if they dont act on it or ever say anything racist or unkind.
Not to mention its never anything you should accuse anyone of since theres no way you can know whats going on inside that person.
I disagree. I don't think that as long as we never act on it, or "say anything racist or unkind," suddenly that makes it okay to harbor racist, biased, prejudiced thoughts. More to the point, I think that IF in fact someone has a bias (and we all have them), it's better to talk about it, get it out in the open, and have an HONEST discussion about it, rather than hide behind politeness and political correctness.
You're absolutely right that I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head. And as I mentioned before, it's true that for some people, some issues really are "non-issues," and they hold absolutely NO bias or prejudice whatsoever with regard to that particular topic. But I would argue that it's impossible to live a completely bias-free life. And as you point out, I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head, nor do they have any idea what's going on in mine, unless we both speak freely and honestly about our thoughts. So doesn't it logically follow that the only way to rid the world of bias and prejudice (to whatever extent that's possible) is to have an open, frank discussion? I certainly don't think the answer lies in continuing to keep our mouths shut, while harboring our inner thoughts, lest we risk being perceived as impolite.
I admit to having biases, but not on this issue. I offered up having friends and family as examples of "proof" based on the original post that of all the inter-racial couples I know that are black & white, they are all black men with white women. Do I notice skin color? Of course I notice, but that doesn't mean I harbor secret racism. It means I pay attention to skin color the exact same way I pay attention to hair color and eye color.
My 70 year old. mid-western, small town, conservative, socially sheltered, all white community living mother says she would also "do" Denzel Washinton in a heartbeat.
This made me laugh because my mother also thinks Denzel is hot, and he is. I mean seriously, I have never seen someone with teeth so white and gorgeous! Okay, so that was off topic a bit. But the thing is, she doesn't think he is hot because he is black and she doesn't think that PaulWalker is hot because he is white. We all have people that we think are attractive because they have qualities that we find attractive, and that varies from person to person. I've always been attracted to beautiful eyes, not one particular color though. As a matter of fact, that was (and is) one of my favorite physical features on my dh. I can honestly say that I don't care if one person is white and the other is pea-green purple, love and commitment are what is important.
As far as the OP's original topic, I'm not entirely sure why that is. May be it is personal preference or may be some people still have stereotypes that they need to get over.
I dont think it makes much sense to complain about people "lying" about being prejudice if they dont act on it or ever say anything racist or unkind.
Not to mention its never anything you should accuse anyone of since theres no way you can know whats going on inside that person.
I disagree. I don't think that as long as we never act on it, or "say anything racist or unkind," suddenly that makes it okay to harbor racist, biased, prejudiced thoughts. More to the point, I think that IF in fact someone has a bias (and we all have them), it's better to talk about it, get it out in the open, and have an HONEST discussion about it, rather than hide behind politeness and political correctness.
You're absolutely right that I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head. And as I mentioned before, it's true that for some people, some issues really are "non-issues," and they hold absolutely NO bias or prejudice whatsoever with regard to that particular topic. But I would argue that it's impossible to live a completely bias-free life. And as you point out, I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head, nor do they have any idea what's going on in mine, unless we both speak freely and honestly about our thoughts. So doesn't it logically follow that the only way to rid the world of bias and prejudice (to whatever extent that's possible) is to have an open, frank discussion? I certainly don't think the answer lies in continuing to keep our mouths shut, while harboring our inner thoughts, lest we risk being perceived as impolite.
It seems to end up wrong if you tell how you feel and what thoughts go on in your head or if you keep your mouth shut. That's quite honestly the reason a lot of people do indeed keep quiet b/c either way its gonna lead to an argument There are always going to be disagreements and arguments...
I dont think it makes much sense to complain about people "lying" about being prejudice if they dont act on it or ever say anything racist or unkind.
Not to mention its never anything you should accuse anyone of since theres no way you can know whats going on inside that person.
I disagree. I don't think that as long as we never act on it, or "say anything racist or unkind," suddenly that makes it okay to harbor racist, biased, prejudiced thoughts. More to the point, I think that IF in fact someone has a bias (and we all have them), it's better to talk about it, get it out in the open, and have an HONEST discussion about it, rather than hide behind politeness and political correctness.
You're absolutely right that I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head. And as I mentioned before, it's true that for some people, some issues really are "non-issues," and they hold absolutely NO bias or prejudice whatsoever with regard to that particular topic. But I would argue that it's impossible to live a completely bias-free life. And as you point out, I have no idea what's going on in someone else's head, nor do they have any idea what's going on in mine, unless we both speak freely and honestly about our thoughts. So doesn't it logically follow that the only way to rid the world of bias and prejudice (to whatever extent that's possible) is to have an open, frank discussion? I certainly don't think the answer lies in continuing to keep our mouths shut, while harboring our inner thoughts, lest we risk being perceived as impolite.
I admit to having biases, but not on this issue. I offered up having friends and family as examples of "proof" based on the original post that of all the inter-racial couples I know that are black & white, they are all black men with white women. Do I notice skin color? Of course I notice, but that doesn't mean I harbor secret racism. It means I pay attention to skin color the exact same way I pay attention to hair color and eye color.
Good point. You're absolutely right that simply noticing something doesn't automatically amount to racism, bias, or any sort of negative attitude. I wasn't trying to imply that, and I'm sorry if I did. And really- that's all I was looking for, and admission from someone that it's perfectly natural to notice race or skin color, as you said, the same way it's natural to notice eye color or hair color, or for that matter, physical shape, weight, height... any physical attribute.
For someone to imply that they don't even notice someone else's race, for fear that they'll be perceived as racist, is just silly in my opinion, and that's all I was getting at.
And more to the point, and to get back to the OP's question, since it seems that statistically speaking at least, it's more common for a black man to date a white woman, it might be natural to take more notice of a white man with a black woman. I can honestly say that while I know a few couples where the man is black and the woman is white, I don't personally know any where the man is white and the woman is black, and it's not something I encounter very often.
As for why (again, statistically at least) black men dating white women is more prevalent, I really couldn't say. While I get what the social theories are about, I'm not sure that I fully agree with them. I do think that individual preferences and the intangible, almost unexplainable forces of attraction and chemistry have a lot to do with who we choose to date, and at least as much to do with it as our social status.
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However, I believe that his two biggest lust interests are 
But the thing is, she doesn't think he is hot because he is black and she doesn't think that 
